a.k.a. "The Oscar Messenger"

Jupiter EddieI’ve never been an out-and-out Wachowski Bros. geek. “The Matrix” was OK, but it didn’t rock my world. And the sequel, then the three-quel just got worse and worse. But they in no way prepared me for the indecipherable “Cloud Atlas”, but I sat through the WHOLE thing, thoroughly befuddled beyond belief. And wanting to leave at every edit.

So going into “Jupiter Ascending” ONLY because Oscar front-runner Eddie Redmayne is in it, I wisely decided to check my brain at the door, and just enjoy whatever little there might be to enjoy in the over-the top visuals,Redmayne’s performance, and Channing Tatum in IMAX 3-D. And you know something? I actually did.

The audience was laughing, it’s true, and they left chattering and smiling. It was a packed press house, and yes, Virginia, there is STILL a vast audience for empty-headed, eye-popping extravaganzas, which “Jupiter Ascending” really is. And I predict it will make millions.

There’s really nothing like it out there right now at the Mega-plex, and the whole thing is so damned enjoyable, that I don’t see it effecting anyone’s career negatively, especially not Redmayne’s. He’s actually demonic as hell as Balem Abrasax(gotta love that name. I’m sure it’s an anagram for SOMEthing.) and actually scary when he needs to be.

A vampirish villain-to-end-all-villains just when you thought there was nothing new under the villain sun. And Redmayne acts the hell out of the cheesy/hilarious dialogue he’s given. He has the daunting task of having  to top all those super-colossal special effects, and y’know something? He DOES!

He INHALES all his lines in a very deep basso voice we’ve never heard him use before. And when he gets upset at his useless underlings, he starts SHRIEKING like, well, like a screaming queen. Which is what he is playing.

He does it so well, and the Wachowskis(one of whom, Lana, is the only transexual filmmaker turning out features to the tune of $175 million budgets) really seem to be having the time of their lives blowing up everything and turning everyone into aliens. And y’know what? It was good ole fashioned pop-corn fun.

And the Academy is not going to hold this against Oscar frontrunner for Best Actor Redmayne. He’s got a supporting role. It’s Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis(she’s Jupiter, he’s the hero)’s names and faces who are on the billboards. The Academy is not going to see a film like this for the unwashed masses.

And his Stephen Hawking is a hero, and a heroic acting achievement in “The Theory of Everything” that I’m sure is going to sweep the BAFTAS the day after tomorrow.

The Academy Voters aren’t going to see a movie like this. And Redmayne is such a delicious, memorable villain, they’ll applaud his range and his ability of make lemonade out of, well, y’know.

And the Wachowskis will be laughing all the way to the bank,

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