a.k.a. "The Oscar Messenger"

Well, dear readers, dear cineastes, I finally saw “Marvel’s The Avengers” and it was just what I was afraid it would be. A big, loud, cartoon. Garish. Overlong.Disappointing.  A two-dimensional ugh.

And I don’t see any Oscar chances for it except maybe in the Special Effects and the Sound Editing and Sound Mixing categories. A Best Picture, despite its’ huge international box-office, it’s not. Not a nominee even. The Academy historically doesn’t like this kind of film. Especially since it’s most effective character is a completely a cartoon, the Incredible Hulk.

Mark Ruffalo plays him amiably enough to start with, but the real character work(if you can even call it that) is when the Hulk turns  green with anger, and then, he’s, yes, a completely drawn cartoon.

Mixing all this animation, CGI, whatever, with the real performances of the rest of the actor, it makes them all seem puny by comparison. The one who comes off the best is Tom Hiddleston, of all people, playing the wildly camp, villainous Loki, brother of Thor, who yes, is once again enacted(if you can even call it acting. It’s more like grunting. So I guess you could say, en-grunted by Chris Hemsworth. And yes, he seems to be grunting more than the Incredible Hulk, which is, er, incredible.) Yes, Loki saves the picture as does Samuel L. Jackson who gives a stateliness and dignity to the eye-patched mega-brain Ned Fury. Was that even his name? There’s so many superheroes in this crammed, cramped movie I can’t even remember their names.

And Loki is the only screen villain in my memory who I wanted to see SAVED. Spoiler alert! And survive to the next installment. Hiddleston is a magnificent actor and his zest for the villainy of Loki was fun to watch.

Scarlett Johansson sticks out because she is simply the only woman front and center. As Black Widow, however, she has no  discernible super-powers whatsoever. Except maybe pouting.

Robert Downey Jr. is again on-hand to wise-crack his way to the bank as Iron Man. Is that really HIM when he’s in that iron helmet and suit or is that a body double? If so, he’s REALLLLY phoning this one in. Or was he a cartoon, ,too? Could be.

Jeremy Renner is totally wasted as Hawk-Eye, who only seems to have skill with a supersonic bow-and-arrow. And he can’t hide his embarrassment at being caught at the fuzzy end of the superhero lollipop with this dullest of characters.

It’s fun, only if you want to enjoy the air-conditioning and throw your mind away for something like two and a half hours.

It could perhaps have had more depth if there wasn’t so many g-damned superheros crowding out every shot.

It is really dispiriting to think that this movie has made so many millions of dollars.

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