a.k.a. "The Oscar Messenger"

WOW! That was a long show last night!

I just LOVE the Oscars! All year-long! Every day and all year-long, like Sasha Stone does, (though this year tried even her ever admirable patience) and Tom O’Neil certainly does. And of course, the great Guru o’ Gold himself, David Poland, who as he says, “planted his flag in Oscar” years ago.

I actually really did enjoy the show, because a) The King Speech really did win ~ at the end and b) my gal Anne Hathaway just blew it out of the ball park(mixed metaphor). She had to carry the show THE ENTIRE SHOW on her beautiful, and extremely capable shoulders, AND SHE DID! James Franco was clearly stoned. But on what? And as he became increasingly frozen as the show went on and on and on, it’s like whatever he started taking at the beginning when he was popping his eyes at the pre-show interview, where he was sitting down with an ABC gal.. By the time the show FINALLY started, whatever he was on had kicked in and seemed to paralyze him,.was it just EXHAUSTION? He had a big day the day before at the Indie Spirits, and also an art gallery opening and…as Seth Meyers supposedly quipped to Nicki Finke in an email….and valet parking…

He was just blanksville. Dead tired or just plain dead, it equals the same thing on TV. And Annie got more and more animated as he became less so…

But thank god for Annie Hathaway! She really aced it! With her enthusiasm, and her super-model ability to look good in any outfit in any situation. AND she’s a natural comedienne. Has she done stand-up? Bruce Villanch(another personal idol of mine) said that both Franco and Hathaway had aced SNL. But hosting SNL isn’t THE OSCARS!

Well, loved her, hated him. And even though they were there to reach a younger demographic the ratings STILL went down! So this was not working.

Stand up comics really are the way to go for this. I would much rather have Ricki Gervais. Hell, I, yes, me myself, I could have done a better job hosting. But then that’s what I do! I host a TV show…for 23 years…and let me tell you it ain’t easy.

And yes, I’ve done stand up, too, in my salad days…So one has a natural affinity to want to host, well, EVERYTHING!

When the high point of the evening, television was Kirk Douglas’ beyond embarrassing 1000 year old dirty old man routine, PLUS his stroke-affected vocal slurring…well, when he got to go ga-ga over Melissa Leo, he made even her dropping the F-bomb look better by comparison.

Leo is no stand-up comic and I thought to say “I’ve fucking won!” and get bleeped and then imitate walking with a cane and helping Kirk Douglas off… was Dreadful…Brilliant actress who finally got a glamourous look together, and was botoxed almost to the point of looking like Nicole Kidman….and then she opens her mouth and bats fly out. She was never this crazy. Or maybe she was. I felt terrible for her ex John Heard at this exact moment. I’m done with her. Great actress or not, she’s degraded the profession, or at any rate the Oscars, which in my book is unconscionable.

Asking a 90 year plus stoke victim who was walking with a cane to pinch her! And then he does! And then she takes his cane! And thinks it’s funny???? I’ve lost all my respect for her and will probably never write a good word about her again as long as I live. She’s dead to me. So she won the Oscar. On her own terms. Good for her. But THIS is how she chooses to present herself to the world in her big moment? By dropping the F-Bomb?!? At the Oscars!!! This is why Mickey Rourke didn’t win. And then her F-bombing threw with synchronization of the rest of the show off! So EVERYone seemed to be lip-syncing! How crass! How common! It’s really unforgiveable. But of course it isn’t HER fault. Blame it on Kirk Douglas!

But the worst was yet to coma as James Franco turned into-well, Kirk Douglas without the stroke…

It’s a long, dull show. It always was, but it does have it electric moments. And those moments make it worth it all.

My most exciting moment? Tom Hooper winning for Best Director! I and everyone at the Oscar party I was watching it with nearly jumped out of our seats with excitement!

And who said this show didn’t have any suspense? As the technical awards went to every other movie BUT “The King’s Speech” I began to get a little nervous.

Well, a lot nervous. But then when TOM HOOPER WON! And he made that beautiful speech to his mother! I was REALLY moved! And then Colin of course Firth won, and he was marvelously eloquent and funny. He thanked Harvey Weinstein with whom he has worked for “twenty years since I was a child sensation.” Now THAT was the funniest line of the night! Harvey was shown laughing heartily.

I felt myself turning INTO Harvey Weinstein as I saw EIGHT Oscar nominations disappear before my eyes. I’m sure he was thinking the same thing.

One of my friends, who did MUCH better in the Oscar pool of the night than I did, said he just decided to “follow the money” and that’s exactly what the Academy did. They gave four Oscars to “Inception” which made A LOT OF DOUGH, and two to “Alice in Wonderland” which BOTH Helena Bonham Carter AND Anne Hathaway starred in which made a BILLION dollars. Ditto two Oscars for “Toy Story 3” another HUGE money-maker…

And of yes, Natalie Portman in purple won as expected, but her water didn’t break. But she was VERY, VERY pregnant. That was her thing this year. Just getting bigger, and bigger and bigger to the point of nearly exploding when she won her Oscar. She broke down crying. It was nice.

Christian Bale was boring. Which for him is a good default mode.

I doubt any of these people will be at the Oscars again any time soon. But Colin Firth will. He thanked Tom Ford, which I thought was a lovely touch. What a great performance and film “A Single Man” Kudos and Congratulations to Tom Hooper, Hollywood’s new Golden Boy and Colin(OF COURSE!) and “The King’s Speech”!Poor Geoffrey! Poor Helena! You two was robbed! TKS ~You should’ve won everything!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: